


every fist is clenched (but i'm so tired)

by kiiblade



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Guardians (League of Legends), F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Other Star Guardians, Pre-Relationship, Somewhat, the girls are fiiightiiing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiiblade/pseuds/kiiblade
Summary: Lux just wants to know why Jinx left. It put them all in danger, and she's been sick with concern. Unfortunately, Jinx isn't the type to talk about things she doesn't want to.
Relationships: Luxanna "Lux" Crownguard/Jinx
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	every fist is clenched (but i'm so tired)

Jinx has been studying her nails for the past forty-five minutes. Lux knows, because every minute and a half there's another dodged glance at the library clock before she fixes her stare back at the girl across from her. Usually, she'd be _thrilled_ at her sudden streak of studiousness and capitalize on ribbing her into doing some homework _for once,_ but the anger has slowly been surmounting. Really, it had been sitting for a while before this, but here they are.

Met up. With nothing happening.

"Jinx," Lux tries for the ninth time.

Jinx's eyes don't flick up behind her stubbornly-still-worn-despite-being-inside sunglasses. Instead, she picks at her teeth with sloppily cut nails, flicking aside whatever she finds before prying at a small overhang of nail with her thumb.

" _Jinx,_ " Lux says. Frustration creeps into her tone, her posture. Something in her spine stopped feeling right a while ago, but nothing she tells herself can convince her enough to look like a proper Crownguard. Sure, she started fine, but when your _best friend_ ignores you in favor of just messing around, and not even an exciting, over-the-top way like she usually does--

Well, she thinks she's earned the right to be pissed.

It's not like she hasn't given her space the whole week. More than that, even. Sure, Jinx is a private person- she understands that involvement in her life comes at the cost of being patient and letting _Jinx_ decide when and where and why she says things. Sometimes it'll be given offhandedly, a remark that's just enough of a joke to anyone not used to picking it apart. Sometimes it'll be at two fourty-six in the morning, when everyone's asleep and their faces are almost touching and she whispers _I'm dangerous_ like it's a warning and Lux whispers _not to me_ because she's not. Not to her, anyways. Not to _Lux._ Despite any insistence otherwise, Jinx _is_ a good person. At least, she has a capability to be.

This is not _good person_ behavior. This is, if Lux could convince herself, _learning to be a good person_ behavior, with a lot of screw-ups in the way. Lux is struggling to commit to that, and guilt is starting to drag down her anger the more she thinks about it.

She takes a breath.

She tries again.

" _Jinx._ " This time, Jinx does flick her gaze up, and Lux can feel her heart skip a beat. Nervousness? Anxiety? Another short breath, squashing down the feeling. If she can't ask as a friend, she has to at least do it as a leader. "Tell me already, _please._ Where did you go? Why?"

Jinx's gaze drops back down.

It's not something they like to talk about. No matter how long it's been, it's a point of contention. Poppy gets on her the most about it. What Star Guardian abandons their team for _weeks_ and only comes back at the last moment?

Lux thinks about it, more than she'd like to admit. Not in the same way, not with the venom Poppy can inject into it, but it troubles her. When there's nothing else to think about, she thinks about that: why did she leave? Was it Lux's fault- did she screw up so badly that Jinx couldn't even handle being around her for a while until she got her shit together? Did she decide Lux wasn't good enough? Was it- was it something else? A plea from Ahri seems unlikely with how talented and wonderful she is, but if Jinx went out of her way to join that team...

Lux can't imagine she'd be able to stand Ezreal all that long. He's got a pretty face, but none of the same bite as Poppy or mitigation skills of Janna. Would Ahri be a better friend...?

Just like that, Lux's anger fizzles out like it was nothing at all. Tiredness drags at her instead until she watches Jinx go back to what she was doing before: one hand raised, fingers curled towards her, red nail polish chipped and falling as they (don't) speak and it all flares back up again.

It's so ridiculously satisfying to hear Jinx _surprised_ when Lux finally concedes to an improper way of doing things and grabs her wrist. Her protest of "Hey, Flashlight--!" is entirely ignored as Lux avoids the racks of books and doesn't stop charging forward until the fading light hits them outside. And then she goes a little further, because it does feel a little good to be in control of something with Jinx for once.

Finally, Lux lets her go, spreading her arms in a wide gesture. Mortifyingly, she can feel her hands shaking, and a flush creeps its way up her face. It feels so _stupid_ to look like this when she's mad. There's none of the chaotic, uncontrollable it-needs-to-get-out energy Jinx always seems to have. It just feels like shaking.

Jinx opens her mouth. Then she stops, shutting it and turning away instead, like she actually plans to go back to the library. If it hadn't been the better part of an hour with that awareness, Lux would point out there was something _seriously_ wrong.

"Is it-- is it _me?_ " she sputters out. Jinx halts in her tracks. Lux's fingers curl into loose fists as her hands drop to her sides. A hardly suppressed tremor runs through her- she tries to stamp it down anyways. "Is that why you won't tell me? I get it, I do! But I thought you'd at least be honest with me if that's the case. I'm sorry I'm not a good leader, and whatever you need, I'll try to--"

"Seriously?" Jinx's sunglasses are in her hair, now, genuine surprise turning to something that Lux can't accurately identify. It feels like anger. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Flashlight! Surprise! I can do stuff without getting your permission, and newsflash, I wouldn't care if I got it anyways. Isn't that amazing?"

The sarcasm doesn't help. Lux's stomach flips. Her words escape before she can bite them back. "I wouldn't _assume_ it's about me if you actually _said anything!_ You left me-- you left all of us without a word. What am I supposed to think, Jinx? That you're dead in a ditch and we should just get over it?"

"Yes." Jinx turns again, feet already moving. "Y'know what? I changed my mind. I'll just get one of those schmancy espressos down the street. There's some stuff to work on at home, anyways." Over her shoulders, she does finger guns. Lux would find that hilariously adorable in any other situation. "Those babies don't make themselves!"

She doesn't think twice. One moment, Jinx is walking away to find the nearest coffee shop, and the next Lux is throwing her to the ground in a way she used to when she was young enough to think she could wrestle Garen and still be a proper lady. Here and now, though, she's shorter but just as strong as Jinx, and neither of them particularly care for saving any face when no one's watching them.

It's not a nice fight. It's pure teenage rage, frustration and confusion turning into dark bruises that'll sting in the morning. Jinx doesn't care about striking fair, either. Blood wells up where she gets her jagged nails in, blindly swiping if only to get the shorter girl _off of her._ Usually, that'd be where Lux would call the fight. Blood drawn means you need to stop and get things fixed up.

Lux slaps her, instead.

It is _painfully_ silent afterwards.

She's stuck straddled on Jinx. Blood wells up along her jaw, just enough to drip in uneven drops down, pain biting at her. Tears are pricking at her eyes and that somehow feels worse. The hollow in her chest that keeps growing every passing second that Jinx doesn't say anything, however, takes the cake.

"I-I'm sorry--"

"What the fuck," cuts her off instead, which feels like a fair response. Even in this low light, Lux can see the red mark of where her hand was. She curls it over her mouth in shame.

"I--"

"What the _fuck!_ " Jinx says again, this time more emphatically. Her hands come up to rub at her face before the motion's aborted for digging the heels of her palms into her eyes. She groans, stretching in an equally cut-off manner when Lux's weight doesn't just tumble off. "Yeah, of course! My name's Lux and suddenly _I'm_ the bitch that gets into full tilt brawls with people. Unfair! You attacked from behind!"

Lux genuinely can't tell if it's real anger or just a bit. She, as she so unhappily finds, did not shake off the habit of shaking in the last few minutes. A hiccup escapes her. Her eyes sting; these aren't just angry tears, they're the fire-hot ones that feel like liquid shame.

Jinx notices, of course. Arms up to continue her bemoaning, she just _stops,_ trading in for forcing herself to sit up. The motion pushes Lux back onto her lap. It's a familiar position, if an unfamiliar situation. "Are- are you _crying?_ Shit, Lux--"

"No! I'm sorry- I shouldn't be doing this when I'm the one who hurt you!" It feels _ridiculous_ to be the one comforted when she started the fight. Jinx gives her a _look_ that verges on panicked, shoving her palm flatly against Lux's forehead to force her bangs up.

"I can take more than a few hits from some princess. You really don't need to cry about bruises." Bangs a mess, Jinx shoves them out of the way again to wipe the tears off, pressure against Lux’s cheeks she didn’t know she needed. Her eyes squint close as her cheeks are squished afterwards, calloused hands rolling her whole head around.

This isn't the way to win an argument. Or a fight. Or even get her best friend to explain what she was thinking, and she feels guilty for accidentally resorting to this.

"You don't..." Her face is too squished to talk. It takes physically prying Jinx's hands off by her wrists to be able to, which Jinx doesn't seem entirely happy about. "You don't have to tell me everything. I'm not going to pretend I understand everything about the way you think or that your decisions always make sense to me. But I... I want to know at least one reason you left. I'm not going to judge you for it, I just want to _know._ "

Jinx hesitates. In a spare moment, she leaves her hands hanging and looks uncomfortably vulnerable, caught in a candid picture where she doesn't know what to do with herself. Then she begins moving again, leaning back on her hands and looking away. It's still silent. Lux presses her thumb where Jinx's eyebrows are creasing, and only then does she drop the grumpy, contemplative look.

"I needed some time to myself," she finally lands on. Her home is a solitary place and no one downtown will mess with her if they know who she is. Time comes in plenty for her. It's not a satisfying answer, but Lux nods. It's an answer at _all,_ and that's the important part.

"Okay."

"Okay...?"

"Okay, you needed time to yourself." Lux reaches up to rub her eye with her sleeve. The shame from crying over this hasn't disappeared yet. "Sorry if we're--"

"To _think,_ " Jinx cuts her off with. "I had to think about some shit, Flashlight. That's all. Now I'm back and better than ever." Her hand raises, fingers splayed like that proves anything. "No more disappearing acts."

Lux nods and bites down another apology. "No more disappearing acts. I... Thank you, Jinx. Ugh, my eyes feel so puffy. Rghhh!" 

Desperate rubbing doesn't fix the problem at _all._ But it makes Jinx laugh, which is honestly so much better that Lux is momentarily entranced by it, peeking out from between her fingers to see how happy Jinx looks. And then Jinx makes it worse, squishing her cheeks again with the extra buffer of her own hands. It's not long before she starts giggling too, though, something in her chest finally loosening for the first time in a while.

"Y'know," Jinx starts, nodding to the side, "Starbucks _is_ open, and _I_ don't see any work getting done..."

"This is why you're failing classes," Lux laments, but she gets up anyway to help Jinx to her feet. Even if it was awkward, sitting on her lap was comfortable and Lux immediately misses it. She dismisses that thought entirely. "Our stuff is still inside. I can, uh- I'll go grab it. Be right back."

It's a silly little test after their conversation. She pats Jinx's arms in what may just be the most awkward move of the century, turning immediately away at the startled laugh to storm into the library and head to their table. No one's messed with either of the bags left behind, as far as she can tell, though she does get an odd look from someone at a nearby table when she lifts her head. It takes her a moment to figure out why- there's smeared blood where Jinx scratched her before.

Getting outside takes a few extra minutes than she means it to. There's a bandaid on her chin by the time she gets back. Jinx is still there.

She hands the bag over and takes Jinx's hand afterwards, starting off in the direction of the Starbucks. Jinx makes an abortive look to the side, but still follows, falling in step to swing their hands between them. It's hard to explain the warm feeling in her chest at that, and at how Jinx looks embarrassed for a brief moment, but she chalks it up to being happy that things have settled.

"So, Flashlight, getting whatever nasty chai stuff again?"

"I think pumpkin spice is back on the menu."

"Stars, I should have guessed. You're so _basic._ "

"Oh, come on, it's _good!_ "


End file.
